I’m depressed but I don’t want to die

This pandemic has kicked our asses if you survived covid-19 you had other issues involved whether it was Financial or self-esteem issues some of us were dealing with mental issues that stemmed from the pandemic or manifested because of it

2 weeks ago I almost committed myself to a 72-hour hold because I was having dark thoughts however I didn’t do that because the same reason why I chose just stick around and that was because I have a family that no one is going to help me take care of who depend on me and some of you guys also have families and responsibilities you have to take care of that won’t go away when you’re gone if you feel overwhelmed sit back and try your best to take a break seek help whether it’s addiction or thoughts of suicide.

Your health mental and physical are important without those you can’t take care of other things put yourself and your family first if you’re struggling with addiction or Suicidal Thoughts reach out to somebody it’s important And if you have no one you can talk to call the suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255 don’t wait.


Value time

3 weeks ago I went on vacation to Florida had to quarantine for two weeks I will tell you more about it in the coming days but today I want to talk about valuing your time.

There is a saying “yesterday was history tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift that’s why it’s called the present.” In these times of trouble, some of us like myself fail realizes notion 19 years ago people learn how precious time is after 3000 lives 3000 family and we’re changed that day

In 2008 and 2010 people faced the same challenges history was repeating itself Bankers were jumping out of Windows because they lost money the Madoff families lives were changed because of his action and now in 2020 we are facing a new threat over 190,000 live have already Ben lost livelihood have been challenged

I wasted the extra two weeks trying to look for other work trying to occupy my mind as I was staring at four walls I cooked and I cleaned a little bit more ultimately I chose to focus more of those things and when I didn’t want to focus on them anymore I turned to edibles as I watched below deck so I can be more tolerable and I can tolerate as well and i can tolerate as well

Before the trip, I had finally reached the milestone of letting go of the past, facing my demons, and realizing where I went wrong thinking about the time I thought a job was more valuable than my life to the point where I was willing to make my own and valuing my family members all of the accomplishments for it to be wiped away by the quarantine we’re all I was thinking about four provisions making sure that I had enough to pay the bills in case my boss decided not to pay me my vacation or quarantine Pay on top of that I still hadn’t finished reading you’re next five moves until today let alone finish the 10 blogs that I am behind 9 if you count this one.

I have spent the past four years helping people live out their dreams convincing people to do something that I couldn’t which is how I spent my 6 months in California found myself in the same situation where I wanted something I couldn’t have while a part of me just wanted to exist I don’t know why I fell back into the Trap maybe it was because I put a job before God when God was the one who provided that job for me I was stupid after my mother died I went from being an adult to being a teenager I went to California for change but that changes temporary however as temporary as it was I found purpose.

In conclusion I want to thank each and everyone of you who is reading this and I hope it resonates with you remember value time and people everything else comes later in the meantime stay safe stay healthy.

Charity Navigator › …
Remembering September 11, 2001 : Charity Navigator

(800) 273-8255 suicide hotline

Advertisers nightmare

Recently Peloton a company that sells indoor exercise bikes with a monitor for a live televised training released an ad that garnered a lot of deserved attention with some calling the ad sexist and accusing the company of promoting unhealthy marital standards while others either made fun of the ad in addition to the stock dropping as a result of the ad.

The ad features a wife coming down for Christmas with her child and her husband gifted her with a Peloton exercise bike, the ad continues to show her experience using the bike ending with a video message to her husband showing her how satisfied she is with her present.

While the ad promotes healthy living it was improperly marketed and probably didn’t even go through the test audience that could have told them it was a bad idea or instead of a featuring Christmas, it should have featured New wife’s New Year’s resolution to stay healthy and happy.

In conclusion, advertising can get expensive and you only have one chance to get it right so make sure you follow all the necessary steps before you release anything or learn it yourself.

If you have an interest in marketing I highly suggest you check out Billy Gene is marketing no I am not an affiliate nor have I tried them but he does have a pretty good success rate or sign up for this free e-book to learn more.

Thanks for reading

Don’t stay at a job that you hate

Don’t stay at a job that you hate because you’re going to make your life miserable and as you know misery tends to love company,  so you’ll be looking for people to join in the party than before you know it everyone else is miserable in addition you’ll be stopping someone else who wants to be in the position you are in of working.

Staying at a job that you hate will often lead to destruction for

I get that leaving any job for the sake of trying to make yourself happy or comfortable is a scary thought and not an easy choice to make however, it may be better for all parties involved for example  I was miserable at my last job for not being able to move up to the point where I thought of suicide while leaving that job was a hard decision and  while I had something to fall back on my decision to not go back to that job was pretty hard especially considering everything I was leaving behind a job that I loved, amazing coworkers, great pay and a great atmosphere I traded that all in for mine and my co-workers sanity knowing that my misery would be unfair for them to deal with, all to work at a job I can care less about nor fit in.

In conclusion, If you hate your job then do yourself and the world a favor step aside so someone else can take your place While You find yours that you can give your all or some

That’s all I have for now if you would like to contribute Or become one of my businesses of the week or become one of my businesses of the week you can do so through PayPal, cash app, Coinbase or sign up for my Affiliates and save money on products and advertising

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Metro Black

Road trek

Notorious finesse.

miles stuffy nose

Streamers of the week go to

Darren Marlar of Marlar’s house who does weird darkness and weird news daily also join Darren Marlar to Battle the darkness his campaign to help people who struggle with depression and Suicidal thoughts which I’ve also struggled with in the past.

Nothing is ever hopeless Talk to someone you’re not alone or download Wizdo on your phone

This one comes from an Instagram or that comes very close to my heart considering the fact that I’ve seen people of lost their lives to gang violence so for that I give you a started with nothing fisbanga

Earl of words poet, blogger, actor & YouTuber

Nateflicks which does employee evaluations and rewinds

Final facts with Alyssa

Pre-order The System of Passive Aggressive Racism In The System of White Supremacy by Phil Scott





I used to struggle with depression a lot blaming myself for things that were not my control loss of a job family feud and the feeling of uselessness after being passed over for promotion a third time it also didn’t help that my mother had just passed away although in the beginning it made me more determined because I knew I had to take care of my family. Being disabled which is something that I’ve always tried to hide from my employers in 2016 I took a six-month sabbatical and I worked for another company in San Francisco while there I decided to try to come to terms with cerebral palsy and tried to except that I would never move up in the world unless I had my own before that my life felt meaning less I started to believe in the lie that my life had no value and the truth is I’m not the only one that feels this way people commit suicide for different reasons because they believe it’s not gonna get any better the truth is it’s just a Permanent solution to a temporary problem so whatever your reason is no three things one your life has value to things will get better and three talk to someone you’re not alone. Reach out to suicide hotline at (800)237-talk 1-800-237-8255