I’m depressed but I don’t want to die

This pandemic has kicked our asses if you survived covid-19 you had other issues involved whether it was Financial or self-esteem issues some of us were dealing with mental issues that stemmed from the pandemic or manifested because of it

2 weeks ago I almost committed myself to a 72-hour hold because I was having dark thoughts however I didn’t do that because the same reason why I chose just stick around and that was because I have a family that no one is going to help me take care of who depend on me and some of you guys also have families and responsibilities you have to take care of that won’t go away when you’re gone if you feel overwhelmed sit back and try your best to take a break seek help whether it’s addiction or thoughts of suicide.

Your health mental and physical are important without those you can’t take care of other things put yourself and your family first if you’re struggling with addiction or Suicidal Thoughts reach out to somebody it’s important And if you have no one you can talk to call the suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255 don’t wait.


Value time

3 weeks ago I went on vacation to Florida had to quarantine for two weeks I will tell you more about it in the coming days but today I want to talk about valuing your time.

There is a saying “yesterday was history tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift that’s why it’s called the present.” In these times of trouble, some of us like myself fail realizes notion 19 years ago people learn how precious time is after 3000 lives 3000 family and we’re changed that day

In 2008 and 2010 people faced the same challenges history was repeating itself Bankers were jumping out of Windows because they lost money the Madoff families lives were changed because of his action and now in 2020 we are facing a new threat over 190,000 live have already Ben lost livelihood have been challenged

I wasted the extra two weeks trying to look for other work trying to occupy my mind as I was staring at four walls I cooked and I cleaned a little bit more ultimately I chose to focus more of those things and when I didn’t want to focus on them anymore I turned to edibles as I watched below deck so I can be more tolerable and I can tolerate as well and i can tolerate as well

Before the trip, I had finally reached the milestone of letting go of the past, facing my demons, and realizing where I went wrong thinking about the time I thought a job was more valuable than my life to the point where I was willing to make my own and valuing my family members all of the accomplishments for it to be wiped away by the quarantine we’re all I was thinking about four provisions making sure that I had enough to pay the bills in case my boss decided not to pay me my vacation or quarantine Pay on top of that I still hadn’t finished reading you’re next five moves until today let alone finish the 10 blogs that I am behind 9 if you count this one.

I have spent the past four years helping people live out their dreams convincing people to do something that I couldn’t which is how I spent my 6 months in California found myself in the same situation where I wanted something I couldn’t have while a part of me just wanted to exist I don’t know why I fell back into the Trap maybe it was because I put a job before God when God was the one who provided that job for me I was stupid after my mother died I went from being an adult to being a teenager I went to California for change but that changes temporary however as temporary as it was I found purpose.

In conclusion I want to thank each and everyone of you who is reading this and I hope it resonates with you remember value time and people everything else comes later in the meantime stay safe stay healthy.

Charity Navigator › …
Remembering September 11, 2001 : Charity Navigator

(800) 273-8255 suicide hotline

Learning to face and accept your struggle

Since For some reason on tiktok a lot of people have been discussing suicide I figured I might as well talk about it too hopefully this reaches somebody who needs to hear it this is something that hits too close to home considering after my mom passed away I kind of fell into a depressive state and in November 2015 those thoughts were floating through my mind because at the time I wanted something that I couldn’t have.

Yesterday on August 11th I had gone to make deliveries try to achieve my quota and I was in an area of the city that was too familiar to me the point where I wanted to get out of that area to prevent Uber from sending me to place I didn’t want to go in a previous post I spoke about dealing with and accepting my cerebral palsy but five years ago I worked for a company that I absolutely loved and believed in and I wanted to move up in ranks I felt like because of my disability they would never be able to see my potential in ranks.

December 2015 I battle with the idea of committing suicide which every time I think back about it actually brings me to tears and shame that I was ever at that place, to begin with, to make it worse it was over something as stupid as a position I was passed over three times by people who I trained I was warned by my supervisor that no one was ever going to give me a promotion I should have listened but I thought I could persevere I failed and I was wrong.

There have been other people in my life that I know has been through depression I was actually worried about a friend who is talking about killing himself luckily he got a cat instead but back to the topic at hand today I had to face my demons so I text one of my old supervisors and apologized for being so difficult with him in the past for allowing my insecurities to effect him and the team I did this to hopefully move on and stop focusing on the past to no longer be ashamed of the things that I couldn’t control.

It was so bad I decided to go to California and stay in a Christian Rehabilitation home where I worked and lived for 6 months until I got better spoiler I didn’t and when I returned I chose to work at a job that until this day I know I’m unqualified to do and even hate because I couldn’t go back to a job I loved because I wanted to avoid pain and for a long time I avoided an area for the same reason.

This message is not about me as much as there is a lot of I and me in it this message is for anyone who may feel inadequate or who’s depressed because of whatever reason or even ashamed my message to you is don’t be ashamed all the things you cannot change but rather adapt to your reality and change it that way is that it gets better eventually your life has value unless your pedo then, in that case, you still need to get help.

That is all I have for today if you want to learn more about Twitter marketing click here & don’t forget to check out my small businesses and small streamers of the week and consider purchasing a CEO SHIRT





Don’t waste space at a job that you hate or unqualified for

Too often I’ve seen and experienced first hand the damage being at a job you either hate, over or under qualified or in my case unqualified for.

For example

Do you have a degree in graphic design but you’re a manager at a store or restaurant not making nearly enough for what you studied for.

Being at a job where you hate or makes you miserable will cause everyone’s life miserable by you either calling out constantly coming to work late, l just not doing their job leaving your coworkers to do the work you were hired to do or essentially ruining the customer experience causing your boss (the one who pays you) to loose money or in my case you could also fall into deep depression and thoughts of suicide.

At best share your talents with your employers so they can hire you in house for whatever it is they have planned also work in the area you studied in

that’s all I have if you want to sign up for Uber or postmates and try Instacart as soon as I can get on I’ll do a review check out my other job app reviews support me on Amazon or PayPal. Look out for my next string of blogs where I will be talking about about supply & demand the importance of working a job you love vs one that you hate and more to come.

Kickstarters of the week

Metro Black

Road trek

Notorious finesse.

Fast track

streamers of the week goes to

Darren Marlar of Marlar house who does weird darkness and weird news daily also join Darren Marlar to Battle the darkness his campaign to help help people who struggle with depression and Suicidal thoughts which I’ve also struggled with in the past. Nothing is ever hopeless Talk to someone you’re not alone or download Wizdo on your phone

Earl of words a poet, blogger, actor & youtuber

Nateflicks which does employee evaluations and rewinds

Final facts with Alyssa

Pre-order The System of Passive Aggressive Racism In The System of White Supremacy by Phil Scott

small business of the week goes to

The beauty cave

strike cord media they are an independent news organization dedicated to empower the audience with unbiased news and information to promote facts they have been around since the bush era.

OnegoHub download the app to find the hottest night clubs in your city

Your weave dealer.

Goal diggers

Mama love sweets and eats a vegan baker which offers a wide verity of healthy delicious treats


Organic products


Check out this free Ebook


If you have a Facebook page, twitter and Instagram for your business please post it down below also side note I’m building a #smallbusinesssaturday #cyberMonday catalog please comment if your interested or email me at emilio.perezjr@ceoenterprisenx.com

Gordon Ramsay’s to hell and back episode review

In this very first emotional premiere of Gordon Ramsay’s to hell and back we see the transformation of Bella Gianna’s a restaurant in Congers, New York and deal with important issues that strike small business owners like immediately spoilers ahead let’s dive into it. Now the first thing I noticed was the owner Vinni who was suffering from A severe state of depression after the loss of his brother in law and the declined of his business. He Felt like he failed his parents who were the ones keeping the restaurant afloat, His level of anguish and resentment showed in the way he treated customers, his employees and his family, The chef had ultimately given up due to stress brought on by Vinni. The Decour was old and the kitchen was not up to code The restaurant had gone through hell with the help of Gordon Ramsay,The family, staff and crew a simplified menu, revamp, rebranding and renovation of the restaurant he managed to turn it around in just 24 hours while working together with ultimately it was up to Vinni To maintain this new style. Now I want point out a couple things.

  1. It is just as important for an employee to maintain order as it is for the employer. Make sure that you maintain your space and disregard orders deemed impulsive or illogical continue to follow food and safety rules
  2. As an employee of a small business understand that you are not just an employee but a partner and member of the family and to treat it as such even if that means tough love don’t just complain but maintain.
  3. Take initiative to improve company standards bringing your own style and flavor and make that difference.
  4. As an Owner listen to the employees and your customers change what needs to be changed and if you are past the point of no return and are bleeding money And can’t get Gordon Ramsay or celebrity to help you I urge you to set up a crowdfunding campaign and offer incentives to those who partner with you.
  5. revamp And rebrand your restaurant invite members of the community as well as influencers that will help you along your journey
  6. After you have revamped, Rebrand and renovate Use social media and sites like meet up’s to invite more customers to dine at your restaurant
  7. always remember you’re never alone whether you’re in business or in life so talk to someone about your struggle. Everyone fails in life but life is as long as you keep it the opportunity to rise above failure is nearby so don’t give up.

That’s what I learned from the first episode Let me know what you guys think of the episode and join me next time also if your A small business owner, student, I do blog on business and education as always don’t forget to check out my streamers the week

Marlar house for your daily dose of weird news visit

Nateflicks for employee evaluations, rewind and Pet peeves

Final facts with Alyssa, The opposition of TOMI LAHREN’s Final thoughts

Subscribe to their YouTube channel follow them on Facebook Twitter and Support them on Patreon if you need resume and cover letter checkout Alyssa’s website alyssamcnerney.wixsite.com/portfolio


I used to struggle with depression a lot blaming myself for things that were not my control loss of a job family feud and the feeling of uselessness after being passed over for promotion a third time it also didn’t help that my mother had just passed away although in the beginning it made me more determined because I knew I had to take care of my family. Being disabled which is something that I’ve always tried to hide from my employers in 2016 I took a six-month sabbatical and I worked for another company in San Francisco while there I decided to try to come to terms with cerebral palsy and tried to except that I would never move up in the world unless I had my own before that my life felt meaning less I started to believe in the lie that my life had no value and the truth is I’m not the only one that feels this way people commit suicide for different reasons because they believe it’s not gonna get any better the truth is it’s just a Permanent solution to a temporary problem so whatever your reason is no three things one your life has value to things will get better and three talk to someone you’re not alone. Reach out to suicide hotline at (800)237-talk 1-800-237-8255

Working with a disability

Writing this blog has to be the hardest one I’ve ever written because it hits close to home since I have cerebral palsy It was something I never would admit to my employers because it was something that I personally was ashamed about.

Being the son of a restaurant owner I always took pride in the fact that I was working, which is another reason why I would never say anything because when I did people talk to me like I was a child like I didn’t understand what they were saying that’s not something I wanted, I wanted to feel normal however as I’ve been reminded several times over the years there is no such thing as normal.

I lack the strength, balance, and speed so I am limited to somethings like riding a bicycle, lifting heavy objects, push-ups and fighting so the fact that I’m a security guard By night and postmates delivery guy by day is unbelievable.

Despite my limitations I always aspired to move up and I never felt sorry for myself until I was denied the opportunity to move up after training three people that moved up before I did and this is where it got hard to the point I became severely depressed that I felt so useless that entertained the idea of taking my own life Because of it.

I’ve learned to accept who I am and realize that there are people who are worst off than me and they are doing great things Which means although limited there are no limits Heck there was a guy named John Quinn who had cerebral palsy was in the military he even wrote a book about it may be impossible for some but I realize we get through if he did it anyone could.


So if you’re reading this and you’re disabled Whether you’re a vet, Accident victim or just someone was born with it whatever your disability is you still have value and Merritt.
thanks for reading

Try Working as a Postmates delivery guy and you could qualify for a promotion that guarantees you will make at least $500 for your first 55 deliveries in New York City.


Definitely check out final facts with Alyssa and Nateflicks